I passed both of my units for my diploma! I got 85% a distinction in one and 89% with a high distinction in the other. The pass mark was 50% so I’m pretty proud of myself. Only 1 more unit to go then I will have my diploma of financial services.
My work is so amazing, not only did they hold my job, support me, keep paying me 75% of my wages while I was on chemo and never pushed me to come back to work, they are also paying for me to study for my diploma.
I have zero regrets not going to university when I left school and going straight into full time work, it took me a couple of years to find an industry I liked and now I have they pay for all of my studies whilst paying me to work full time at the same time! I am so glad I didn’t go to uni to study something that I ended up hating and then wasted years of my life in school not earning any money.
In other news I am feeling pretty resentful about having to have another surgery. This will be my third major surgery in 18 months, this will be my third time learning to walk again. I see a lot of people on my dash who have elective cosmetic surgery and I wish that was the case for me. I wish I was having something that I chose to have, something to make me feel better. Every time they cut into me I come out with more scars. Everytime I walk in shorts or a dress people stare at my scars, I wonder how these people would feel if I knew their most insecure body part and blatantly stared at it to the point where they had to tell me to stop - because that’s what I’m dealing with every day.
The surgeons are talking about other options if this surgery fails again, talk of a basic full leg replacement (aka not just a knee replacement a knee & tibia replacement) and talk of losing the leg entirely has been thrown about.
This all scares the shit out of me and I just want a leg that is mine and that doesn’t hurt. It was funny when I got my tattoo I was freaking out thinking it would hurt - it hurt about 50% less than how much my leg hurts when the screws are in place and it’s put together as it should be. The pain I have now the screws have snapped is an easy 4-5 times more intense pain than getting my spine tattooed - my whole pain gauge has changed. Yet I still cry like a baby if I stub my toe go figure
Well sorry for the big rant but I can’t sleep so hopefully getting this out in print will help my mind rest : (
Hopefully tomorrow is a more positive day because at the moment I just wanna give up